From the live show Blogologues Health and Fitness: Kale in Me Softly, this parody of The Cell Block Tango uses REAL YELP REVIEWS of the barre method as its lyrics.
Featuring: Matthew R. Cox, Allison Goldberg, Jen Jamula, Wendy Joy, Jackie Renee Robinson
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Lyrics for this vid below!
(We wrote the following parody verse, but everything else is verbatim from the webz, as usual!)
It’s the barre method.
It’s the barre method.
And we can handle all the pain.
Then we reviewed it.
We Yelp reviewed it.
I betcha you would have done the same.
(Actual reviews we found on Yelp.)
I tried the Bar Method upon recommendation of a friend, and took advantage of the one month unlimited offer for $100. I went to a few classes and liked the challenging workout routine which targets specific areas of the body in controlled small movements.
Sadly, I couldn’t get to more classes.
I emailed and went to see the manager to ask her if she could grant me a couple more classes beyond the date since Labor Day Weekend fell in between, but they said no.
On top of that, I received a parking ticket for $83. Bad juju all around.
I ran into my first class late, and was acknowledged BY NAME by the instructor, Krista, welcoming me. Star one.
We start off with free weights for the arms. Somehow I am hardly moving my arms but feeling burning pain in my triceps, biceps, shoulders. Star two.
Omfg my glutes. I can’t believe how hard it is, and I’m no wuss. Star three.
Calves, abs, shoulders, back…all shaking through the rest of class. Star four.
I wake up the next day feeling almost as sore as after the first day of volleyball two-a-days before the season. Star 5.
Now if only it wasn’t so damn expensive.
I love, love, love the Bar Method. My first class was with Stacie, who still holds a special place in my heart, and my other personal faves are Kiesha, Keryun, and Mandy. They will beat your ass (and arms and thighs and abs) and push you to the point that you will be cursing them quietly through gritted teeth during that last set of thigh. They are so fabulous and fun, and you feel so ridiculously good after taking their classes, that you can’t help but forgive them and come back for more.
So this chick turned me onto the Bar Method. She said it was the kitten’s kabboodle. It’s $24 a class. WTF?? I’m sorry but that’s f8cktarded. I got suckered into joining. I was sore for days — the I need Bengay and I don’t care if I smell like grandma sore.
The teacher was a waif. Throughout the class I kept thinking, “how can that beyotch with zero muscle tone do these intensely hard moves. HOW???” She can’t. She was a lying whore.
I lost all respect for Bar method. You’re not getting another dime out of me. Don’t make me get all hyphy on your a*s.
Oh my f**king god. Am I sore. Everywhere.